I Hate Birds

I used to like birds but here recently I've almost developed a slight hatred for them. (Notice emphasis on slight). I was at Fire Station 6 one Sunday morning. Just got in from a long night of performing with Lazy Bone, which is my current band of which I am the lead guitarist. I think I hit the sheets at around 4 A.M and got up at 6 for a shower, shave and to pack 24 hours worth of food and clothing for my shift. Sounds pretty irresponsible huh? In a way it's not. We're allowed to sleep in until noon on Sunday's. (One of the job perks initiated to compensate for the low wages and to allow firefighters to recuperate after a long week of working 2 to 3 jobs to make ends meet). In fact, most of us don't bother taking off our jammies before coming to work on Sundays. The only problem with Sunday sleeping is the occasional house fire or vehicle, trash, grass fire, oil spill, etc. Yeah, it's always a gamble but one I don't mind taking. I mean, of course it's a dangerous job, but as long as you stick to the basics: "Put the wet stuff on the red stuff", you'll most likely be able to handle most situations with minimal brain usage. So I decided to get in my bed which is in the darkest corner of the sleeping area, but due to that fact and that I'm in it once every 3 days I have to do a quick insect/spider check before settling in. This can take up to 5 minutes depending on how tired I am and the amount of elapsed time since the last spider sitting and of course how big the spider was. Anyway, I got all cozy and did my horizontal yoga when I notice the sound of at least 10 birds in the ceiling. Not too loud just... there. You know that feeling you have or have had when you've been out partying all night and you finally get to a bed and you start hearing birds chirping? Same thing. I was too irritated to sleep, too sleepy to read, so I got up and watched Television, which I know after much research, takes absolutely no thought or energy to do. Oh and did I mention the poop? I guess since the word got out that Fire Station 6 was now a bird sanctuary and that a bird could have his/her way with any part of the building they began to migrate. If there was a visible hole on the outside, a crevice, a ledge with an overhang, there was a mass of straw, plastic and sticks hanging out of it. I finally got an extension ladder off the truck one Friday and pulled all the nests out. Of course I had to wait until they got their ugly balled babies out. After a few months of torment I put an end to the nests. Here lately birds have acquired a taste for dog food and have flooded our back patio at home with feathers, and poop. Recently I was going to Wal-Mart and I saw one of those lot sparrows that bob around eating French fries and other junk off the parking lot. Normally I would stop, smile and watch for a moment. It just wasn't in me. I gave it a look of disgust and for a moment our eyes met and he hopped cautiously out of range. Just today I was beneath an oak tree in the front yard thinking of how I was going to build a small garden around it when I felt something pop me on the top of the head. It was cold and wet and I didn't have to think for more than a second on what it was. "Little Shit". I said quietly and walked into the house to wash my hair. Maybe one day I'll get over this bird animosity. Until then they'd better just keep their distance's from me.