Sunday, November 23, 2008

Single and Sassy

I played a gig recently with a friend and fellow co-writer Terry Floyd. Afterwards we rode around listening to each other's music and complementing each other on how well we each played and sang. We work together at the Greenville Fire Department and we're both struggling wanna be songwriters.. with the occasional urge for a cigarette every now and then.. We were traveling down a gravel road which I've never been down before and I asked him for a light and he throws me a lighter and says: "keep it." Course, I say thanks and light my smoke with it.. There in the orange glow of the lighter flame came the full moon of the lighters surface. I just kinda smiled, took a puff and stuffed it generously in my pocket.
A Few weeks later I was in Lakeshore Cafe where I sometimes play and had just finished my last set when some of my fellow smokers got in a discussion about ugly lighters.. "I think I have the ugliest one", I said as I broke it out as did everyone else bearing an ugly or unusual lighter. "Where do these things come from and who designs this stuff?"
Suddenly I had this vision of a one on one board meeting in one of those small factory offices... you know the ones with the grate stair case that you can see through the steps on your way up? I saw a scruffy looking boss man with hair sideways from the newly removed yellow hard hat which lay to his left on the desk. The brainstormer is a younger dude with a few wild tatoos and frayed, dyed hair... (a bold move for a blue-collar manager, you know.. dragging some punk-rock lookin' dude onto the design board of the Acme lighter company). "I got it!" the young man blurts out nearing the end of a long, drawn out creative design meeting... "A clear lighter... with a blue cap and fuel lever, and I see a pair of red lips floating around.. inside the FUEL! And just behind the lips... on a baby blue backdrop.... in big pink and purple letters.............. SINGLE.... N' SASSY!"

(Long Pause) Then the boss man grins slowly as the vision comes into focus....

"I like it.... I LIKE it!"


But then we looked on the bottom of the lighter and it says: "made in china"...

So... same story just different characters with Chinese accents.. just use your imagination...

Wasp Encounter

I stepped out onto the back porch just a few minutes ago... I just happened to have the camera around my neck (because I am planning on taking some pics today as Angela and I go Thanksgiving shopping).. We've been renovating our house so we still have piles of lumber lying around in certain places. I noticed this wasp on one of the old boards.. It looked confused and seemed to be scraping wood with its jaws. I guess it was just doing its job at the wrong time. Just this past Friday it was around 25 degrees out and here two days later its about 55.
To be perfectly honest I hate wasps with a passion! I believe it all started with this one incident when I was a child visiting my cousins in Redwood, Mississippi. I remember they had this old bus next to their house. We were playing hide n seek and I thought I would climb up on top of the bus and get inside or something. Anyway, I stuck my fingers underneath a part of the grill and *ZAP! I got stuck by a wasp on my tender fingers.. Since then wasps have always been after me! And I'M the one who got stuck! So I hate the site of them and they hate the site of me.
However........ today I felt sorry for this little guy or girl. Maybe it's global warming.... maybe it's just a stray that for some reason lost its bearing or got kicked out of the hive. (It happens). I believe the poor thing was just confused because of the weather and got left out in the cold. Or he/she thinks it's spring already. Either way what ever happenes I wish her/him well... but if he/she shows up early spring in my tool shed then that's his/her abdomen!


UPDATE!! I just found out on the net that it was probably a female looking for a place to hibernate for the winter...

Excerpt from Wikipedia:

At a certain time of the year (often around autumn), the bulk of the wasp colony dies away, leaving only the young mated queens alive. During this time they leave the nest and find a suitable area to hibernate for the winter.


THE BEST FLYING INSECT KILLER: (costs about 50 cents)

1 get a spray bottle or garden pump sprayer (preferred)

2 Mix warm water with a generous amount of Dawn dish liquid, mix it up and drench the wasp nest and wasps.... God help you if you miss!

Keep your face covered!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

What I've Been Up To

Well.. I know I haven't blogged in a while so I'm going to try to catch you all up on "What I've Been Up To." I'm working on my 3rd album right now so I've been at Michael Brenza's house. He's my friend/studio engineer who has a room in his house converted into a studio. The cd is going well. Anyway.. Michael's house is in Leland, (bout 10 miles east of Greenville). It's a nice little town with culture, big beautiful houses and a deep mocha colored creek that runs through it.. I'll give you some pics of Leland later.. Speaking of mocha, one thing Mike and I do regularly between sessions is visit Miss Molly's Coffee Shoppe on the corner of 3rd and Main in Leland. (That's enough info trust me.. its a small town you know). Miss Molly's is really comfortable and roomy. St*rbuck's eat your heart out! I had a nice time today when I went to the coffee house alone. Not that Mike's no fun but he was getting a hair cut so I thought I would have a hot beverage.. (Coffee is great by the way.. just thought I'd mention that). I got a good solid look around and got a few great ideas.. I'm always inspired by artwork. Ok nuff said.. Go by and visit Miss Molly's some time and tell her Aubrey say's Hi!

Miss Molly---------------->

Monday, October 27, 2008

Two Cars One Rope

I took a trip to the bank a little after lunch today... not that I was on lunch break or anything.. But, I noticed (or couldn't help BUT notice), two cars, that darted out in front of me from Cileste Street. They were joined front bumper to butt by a long yellow rope. "Typical", I thought to myself as I hit the breaks to keep from clipping the rear end of the.. tow-ee. It was a typical day, in fact. Still is. Only I found myself wondering why on earth I'm out in traffic on my day off and I'm full of fried chicken which I ate exactly an hour ago after fighting the lunch crowd.. Times like these make me wonder just how much an instinctive, habitual creature I really am.. I could have stayed at home and waited until after lunch to go out and get ran over by two cars and a rope. Instead I became one of those irritating idiots that drive around at exactly 2 miles under the speed limit in mid-day traffic. You know the kind of people who casually pull over on you when you're speeding and saying the only prayer that you've said all week: "Oh God please don't let me be late!"
So, I thought to myself, "Typical... dude's pulling a broken down car and he's gonna just bust out in front of me as if he's on some deadline.." Suddenly I have this vision of a Gary Larson cartoon: It's a scene from the old west, you know, swinging doors.. boot spurs... glass beer mugs.. big men with big hats.. But then, there's this really tiny cowboy pointing a finger at another tiny cowboy and he says: "Hey you!!.... yeah I'm talkin to you!!" (Like who else would he talk that way to?) Anyhow, I kinda felt like that little insecure cowboy.. I know I couldn't possible pick on anyone going to work at this moment because I would be the biggest hypocrite of all... Anyone who has ever ridden with me knows my distaste for: 1. handicapped-tagged vehicles 2. slow drivers 3. heavy traffic 4. old folks.

Not that I'm a mean person.. but these are a few of my (God help me) most honest prejudices...

Handicap sticker: "Warning.. slow moving con-artist"
Slow Drivers: "I have nothing to do... lets drive around and go shopping."
Heavy Traffic: "these are all welfare recipients going to collect my tax dollars... these people can't POSSIBLY be coming from or going to work!"
Old Folks: "I'm just goin' to the donut shop to shoot the bull and talk about the good ole days."

So like I said, I couldn't possibly pick on the traffic today because I was in fact, riding around with nothing to do and I was actually going 2 miles under the speed limit!!! (My God I was right!)

So instead of getting all puffed up I just relaxed my chest and shoulders and turned off the old "I'll kick his ass!", mode and settled back into "I'm off work today", mode. Besides, at least I'm not being towed! (Ha! ha! Suckaz!)

Thursday, October 23, 2008

We don't get cats out of trees anymore part II

Ok my bad.. We DO still get cats out.. I guess I've been misinformed...DANG!! I did all this ranting and raving for nuthin! Oh well. So I guess there was no straw.. I KNOW someone told a lady over the phone that we don't get cats out of trees anymore but I'm not saying who.. I guess he just didn't want to do it..

Anyway.. haven't heard from Brian yet about his aunt's cat.... let cha know later..

I gotta go play a gig tonight at Southern Nights downtown. So I'll keep it short...

Good bye for now!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

We don't get cats out of trees anymore..

As I mentioned earlier in my comprehensive bio blog, I'm a CAREER fire fighter. Actually, unless I really screw something up I should be a captain in a few weeks. (Woo hoo!!! no more quarterly exams!) Anyway, I got a call from Brian, a friend of mine and fellow musician. His aunt apparently had a new kitty which got spooked by a dog and planted herself 30 feet up an oak tree. I told him to call me if she was still in the tree this morning and I would get her out. It sort of made me sad to tell him the fire department doesn't rescue cats anymore.. I mean.. isn't that what firefighters DO? Slide down the pole, load up the dalmation, jump on the back of the truck and get the cat out of the tree...
I don't know why we've stopped doing that but I've heard some of the older firemen say: "you ever seen a cat skeleton hanging from a tree?"
Makes sense to me but I just thought getting some old lady's (or some child's) cat out of a tree is just a show of compassion towards the people who pay our salaries.
But I can't be angry about it because I'm sure lots of firemen have been seriously injured falling out of trees after being mauled nearly to death by a psychotic feline.
I do know that due to the huge amounts of firemen injuries resulting from losing their grips on the way to the fire scene is the reason we don't hold on to the back of the trucks anymore..

And dalmations are no longer needed because they were just there to keep the horses calm while they spent their lives in the fire stations.. (It's true)

But I can only speculate about the cat incident..

You know how there's always final straw that breaks the camels back? Well, I wonder who the straw was that ended the "cat in the tree" rescues.. Cause you know SOMEBODY at the Greenville Fire Department got cat scratch fever or broke an arm or something rescuing a cat..
And what kind of cat was it? Was it a siamese? Persian? Russian Blue? Or one of those freaky hairless cats that feel like a hot damp towel when they rub against your skin? (I have some friends who had one of those.... I know).

I'm going to ask my Chief tomorrow why we don't rescue cats anymore... I'll let you know why later..

Oh yeah... I'll let you know who the straw is/was too..

ONE more thing... Brian never called so I guess the cats out of the tree.. let ya know how that turned out too..

Monday, October 20, 2008

Awww... do I HAVE to?

Well I was going to put this off for another month.. but my wife (a fluent blogger aka "pickles on pizza") talked me into starting my own blog this morning.. I guess I'll start by telling ya what I do..

I'm a career firefighter and a singer/songwriter/lead guitarist with a newfound passion for r/c helicopters. The reason I point out that I'm a (career) firefighter is because I have this conversation when I'm performing all the time:

Q: "So what do you do besides play music?

A: "I'm a firefighter"

Q: "Oh..... Volunteer?"


Believe you me.. I have NOTHING against volunteer firemen... nothing but respect but COME ON! What do I look like?!

Everyone just assumes that because I'm a musician I live out of my car and have no goals in life!

Anyway.. nuff about that...

I recently purchased a BLADE CX2 r/c helicopter.. with my birthday money given to my by my sweet wife and family. I've had so much fun flying this thing and modifying it and mostly repairing it... To be honest I've spent way more time repairing it than flying.. I just about have it tweaked though.. but that's another blog in itself..

I've been playing music professionally since I was 14 years of age and writing since I was 21. I'm now 34 years of age. I have a site, a myspace account, you tube account, etc.. I'll post all that just as soon as I learn how to.... For the first time in my life I will be asking my wife how to do these things... I'm so proud of her!!

Angela (my wife) has an etsy shop and a blog.. Tell you all about that later.. She works at her brother's restaurant: "Pasquale's" and she is an art major who makes these adorable collages out of newspaper, magazine, scrapbook pages, etc.. Again, that's a whole other blog..

I'm from Greenville, Mississippi. It's part of the delta. Everything is flat here. There are millions of mosquito's of all breeds... There are lots of farmers here and industrial plants so it's bad on the sinuses. The weather here is awful! Humidity all year round.. The Summer is steamy, the winter is sticky. We basically live in a huge wetland area which would still be a swamp if it weren't for the levee..

So... Why do I live here?


Actually the cost of living is so cheap. For 65,000 us dolla, we live in a nice 3 bedroom 1 1/2 bath home which would cost 120,000.00 or more at the least anywhere else..
At 11:00 PM sometimes, (especially on Sunday evenings), I can literally go out to the main highway and lay down in the middle of it! It's so quiet.. We don't have much to do here but plenty of time to think, meditate and be completely unsociable if we want.

The people here are either extremely friendly or extremely uneducated and nasty! I mean smelly nasty! Stanky, ugly, repulsive inside and out sort of nasty! I just stay away from those. But in case you're wondering we do all wear shoes down here.... except for some of the children in Summer.

Oh yeah.. last but not least.. Angela and I have 2 mutts... Todd and Lucy.

Well... nice to meet you.. have a look around listen to some tunes and don't spent too much time here on the net... Life is all around you! Go outside and play!

Love you all.... so far.

Aubrey William Holman