Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Blood Sucking Fiends!!

I hate mosquitos! Does anybody else live in a swamp like we do? Does it even make sense to live in such an area? I read a book one time by Jerry Seinfield "Sein Language". He exposed the ignorance of humans by discussing the invention of the motorcycle helmet. He claimed that people were falling off of these motorcycles and cracking their skulls.. To remedy the cracking of skulls, instead of not riding motorcycles, we invented helmets so that we could continue riding the skull cracking machines which lead to broken arms, legs, necks and also caused many deaths. Anyway I kinda feel the same way when I'm lying in bed on a perfectly cool evening and yet I'm relying on an air-conditioning unit to cool me off because I can't open a window due to the fact that there are no screens on it and there are these quarter-sized blood-sucking insects swarming by the millions at every corner and crack in the building. The air-conditioner unit is frozen solid by the way so it's going to be a loooong night. So anyway, every time I'm laying in bed and I hear the mosquito plane flying overhead (yes there is such a thing) spraying God knows what into the air to "thin out" the mosquito population one handful at a time, I get the feeling that maybe this isn't the right place for humans to build houses. Of course it's a little too late for that. I'm here and I'm at work! If I were home I would have some windows open "cause I got screens at home". Even with screens there are always a few blood-suckers who manage to slip in the door every time it's opened throughout the day. And believe you me, it only takes ONE mosquito to ruin a good nights sleep! I can't count the many times I've rolled out of bed in the morning with my arms swollen and itchy to find a ripe plump mosquito hanging onto the wall for dear life cause it's too fat to fly from sucking my wife's or my blood all night. Ever smashed a full mosquito? It looks like something you'd see on CSI when you're eating spaghetti on a week night in front of the tv.


Thank you and God Bless.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Get to the Point Already!!

I've been guilty of it. Impatience. Especially with older folks. I was never around my grandparents on either of my parents' sides. The only old folks I knew of were Mrs. Bradshaw down the street. All I knew of her is that one week she would tell me to "let those mimosa saplings grow... I wanna let em come on out." Then the very next week I would show up with my lawn equipment and she would say: "would you just go on and cut down them mimosa's... I'm just SICK of em!" I met my dad's dad from time to time.. He never said much that I remember. Just kinda sat around and bickered here and there like an old fart. I never saw much of him at all in fact. My mom's dad was a little different. Quite a character actually. Like my Mom. When he exited the plane with his lays around his neck and loud Hawaiian shirt you could tell people were looking at him not knowing what to think. You could tell he was a party animal in his day. He spoke loudly and didn't mind swearing loudly either. I only got to see him maybe 3 times in my life. Not that I'm complaining or looking for sympathy, it's just that my lack of contact with the older generation has left me with little patience or understanding of older folks. Now as I sit to write this blog, I think of all my other accounts here on the net. Twitter, Facebook, myspace. Of course I could just copy and paste this blog into the others but how do you sum up a session like this into one sentence? People are so impatient now days.... including myself. Yet when I write, it's very exhaustive. Should I strip all the good stuff away and just show everyone the end results? Personally I would feel cheated if I bought a book from Amazon and sat down to read it only to find one page that said, "The butler did it." At the same time I don't want to end up being that old guy who tells everyone his life story either. You know those right... the ones you don't wanna visit cause you know you'll never get away? Sad but true. But, do we want to become a nation of one liners?
"Sup Man?"
"Not much... bout you?"
"Not much here.... gonna rain?"
"Can't say" "Well.... when it rains it pours."
"Like cats and dogs"
"I'm two sheets to the wind man"
"Got a ride?"
"Got two feet"

Ok back to the point: Are we such an instant gratified people that we push all the work aside and go straight for the result? And why shouldn't we be. We drive 40 thousdand dollar cars that we don't understand, talk on cell phones we have no idea how the work, we eat foods of which we can't read their ingredients, we surf the net and have no idea what or where the "internet" actually is... and we live in a country run by the Government (which is us) and yet we have no idea who "They" are who's calling the shots. So... how can I sum all of this into one small short sentence?

I seriously doubt the person who came up with "Stop and Smell the Roses" just walked along and said.."Know what.... I'm going to smell these roses and then write a single sentence that includes the word roses in it".

NO! These Ideas come from long drawn out thoughts and experiences, sometimes the death of a loved on or a war experience leads to a long chain of thoughts that can be simplified into a powerful lasting phrase. These phrases are what songwriters and poets and wordsmiths long to discover. Of course... rarely does the story survive. Sad though.. that's all the good stuff! What's a punch-line without the joke? Sure you can drink the juice but it's better to eat the fruit. HA HA! I'll be damned! there's my line.... oh they're coming to me now! gotta go!

Keep the donut just gimme the glaze. Nah.. that one sucks.

Friday, September 4, 2009

I Hate Birds

I used to like birds but here recently I've almost developed a slight hatred for them. (Notice emphasis on slight). I was at Fire Station 6 one Sunday morning. Just got in from a long night of performing with Lazy Bone, which is my current band of which I am the lead guitarist. I think I hit the sheets at around 4 A.M and got up at 6 for a shower, shave and to pack 24 hours worth of food and clothing for my shift. Sounds pretty irresponsible huh? In a way it's not. We're allowed to sleep in until noon on Sunday's. (One of the job perks initiated to compensate for the low wages and to allow firefighters to recuperate after a long week of working 2 to 3 jobs to make ends meet). In fact, most of us don't bother taking off our jammies before coming to work on Sundays. The only problem with Sunday sleeping is the occasional house fire or vehicle, trash, grass fire, oil spill, etc. Yeah, it's always a gamble but one I don't mind taking. I mean, of course it's a dangerous job, but as long as you stick to the basics: "Put the wet stuff on the red stuff", you'll most likely be able to handle most situations with minimal brain usage. So I decided to get in my bed which is in the darkest corner of the sleeping area, but due to that fact and that I'm in it once every 3 days I have to do a quick insect/spider check before settling in. This can take up to 5 minutes depending on how tired I am and the amount of elapsed time since the last spider sitting and of course how big the spider was. Anyway, I got all cozy and did my horizontal yoga when I notice the sound of at least 10 birds in the ceiling. Not too loud just... there. You know that feeling you have or have had when you've been out partying all night and you finally get to a bed and you start hearing birds chirping? Same thing. I was too irritated to sleep, too sleepy to read, so I got up and watched Television, which I know after much research, takes absolutely no thought or energy to do. Oh and did I mention the poop? I guess since the word got out that Fire Station 6 was now a bird sanctuary and that a bird could have his/her way with any part of the building they began to migrate. If there was a visible hole on the outside, a crevice, a ledge with an overhang, there was a mass of straw, plastic and sticks hanging out of it. I finally got an extension ladder off the truck one Friday and pulled all the nests out. Of course I had to wait until they got their ugly balled babies out. After a few months of torment I put an end to the nests. Here lately birds have acquired a taste for dog food and have flooded our back patio at home with feathers, and poop. Recently I was going to Wal-Mart and I saw one of those lot sparrows that bob around eating French fries and other junk off the parking lot. Normally I would stop, smile and watch for a moment. It just wasn't in me. I gave it a look of disgust and for a moment our eyes met and he hopped cautiously out of range. Just today I was beneath an oak tree in the front yard thinking of how I was going to build a small garden around it when I felt something pop me on the top of the head. It was cold and wet and I didn't have to think for more than a second on what it was. "Little Shit". I said quietly and walked into the house to wash my hair. Maybe one day I'll get over this bird animosity. Until then they'd better just keep their distance's from me.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

What’s That Sound?

I awoke this morning with a familiar yet puzzling sound in my ear. It was cool outside so my wife Angela and I decided to leave the window open to get some fresh air as we slept. Lying there debating on whether I was going to get up and go to the bathroom or try to ignore my urges and go back to sleep, I began to focus on the strange sound outside our window. At first it sounded like wind, but there was a whistling sound like that of a freight train. The wind was blowing pretty hard earlier that day so my imagination got the best of me and I found myself thinking the worst. The swelling windy sound, the train whistle tone. Oh my GOD! What if it’s a tornado?! I went through the safety check in my head and had it all planned out. First I would wake Angela and get her into the hallway then I would throw the mattress in there as a buffer and get the dogs from outside. I thought I should check it out first. I eased out of bed and looked out the window but could see no rustling trees, no gusts of wind shaking the screen. It was just this steady swelling noise that sounded like an interstate full of 18 wheelers and a tornado siren faintly in the distance. I’ve heard the sound for years in fact but it’s never jumped out at me and made me wonder what was causing it. Was it some factory near by? Couldn’t be.. Was it traffic? No way! If so I needed to find out why so many people were driving around at 2:40 in the morning. I got dressed, told Angela I was going to find out what the sound was, grabbed my digital sound recorder and video camera and set out to find out what the buzz was. I followed the sound all the way to Highway 82 East where a few 18 wheelers passed along with a few other random vehicles carrying passengers to work or home from a bar. After a while I began to notice little sounds.. A man pressure washing a service station parking lot, a woman in scrubs being called out to the hospital, a small pack of multi-colored dogs roaming about following the leader, and of course, myself trying to find out what’s going on. I came to the conclusion that the sound was always there but it was never as loud as it’s been recently. Maybe it was, in fact, all the little things I noticed when I was out that sounded like such a big noise compared to the silence of the night. Or maybe I wasn’t even close. Maybe I’ll set out on a bicycle next time and conduct a more thorough investigation. As I returned home with one heck of a boring video under my arm I noticed the sound was even louder than before as if it were taunting me or beckoning me. Maybe I don’t want to know what it is maybe I do. Until I find out for sure I will just stick with my current theory: It’s a space ship hovering somewhere on the outskirts of town full of alien beings who are spying on a huge little city called Greenville.