Well.. I haven't been in the writing mood lately. But what the hey, here we go:

Sometimes when I have trouble writing I just start writing whatever comes to my mind, just as I'm doing now. Even when there is nothing to say I just write (or type), "I have absolutely nothing to say so I'm just going to say nothing...". I believe it's called freestyle writing but I have trouble calling it so because when I hear "freestyle" I either imagine some kid on a skateboard frozen by camera in mid air on a *half-pipe sporting an asymmetrical hairdo, or I see two rappers on a stage spittin' on mics and *dissin' on each other. Nevertheless I don't use the word out of respect for my youngers. I would hate to have them thinking I've gone hip hop because I used the wrong terminology to describe what I did this evening. "Oh I just ate some cookie strips, designed a few banners then I did some freestyling." Ok, enough for now I'm already getting carried away. Which brings me to this: Whatever happened to Calgon? Remember that big box of soap your Mom used to have by the tub? Me neither! HAA!

Ok I'm going to try some freestylin' here.. you ready?

Oh.. Um.... yeah! uh huh Hit it...

I'm just a plain man....
typin' on a Desk-top
knockin' back some cookies gettin fat wearin' flip flops (yeeah)
the cheap kind that give ya blisters
leave black marks on tha flo when ya trip in tha kitchen
Ain't shaved in dayz,
Look like Jimmy Hendrix on stage High as f*** singin' Purple Haze
It's been a long week cuz
I forgot where it started where it is and what it wuz..
Now here comes tha clincer I just sat down to blog for a minute but..

Ah.. I can't rhyme with clincer... but that was *tight!

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*Definitions:

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*A half-pipe is a structure used in gravity extreme sports such as snowboarding, skateboarding, skiing, freestyle BMX and inline skating.

*A diss is an insult to someone, or to insult someone. This hip hop term is an evolved (read shortened) version of “disrespect”.
www.hiphop.net/hip-hop-slang-101/

*Tight: 1. adj./adv. an older term that still maintains its presence that means good or very nice. "Man . . . did you see that lowered Cadillac? It was tight!"

Nightshift... one of my better vids.

Blah Blah Blog!!

Why is it that people who have so little to say.. say so much? I hate when people call me on the phone and say.. "uh... what are you doing?" I'm always like: "I'm F.*#ing working.... what about you!??" Which I never actually say... I just say it to other friends when we're discussing people who just won't shut up or just stay glued to the phone..
I've hated the telephone ever since I can remember.... When I was a child, I would get so frustrated when people in the movies let the phone ring more than 3 times... Four times and I'd just have to shout out, "Pick up the phone dummy!"

Angela (aka: my wife alias: Pickles on Pizza) and I finally got it all figured out a few years ago.. We would turn the ringer off the phone... have the answering machine answer it... and have the volume on the answering machine turned down between 0 and 1. Even then when I'd walk in the door from wherever it was that I came from, I'd see the answering machine light blinking and just get furious.. "Don't these people have lives or jobs or something?"

Anyway, to make a long story short.. We got rid of the home phone.. and got these cell phones instead.. Now it's inescapable!

ONe thing I can surely promise you all out there... I will never NEVER Ever EVER ever.. call you UNLESS... I really have something to say or someone has died.. til then... SEE YA WHEN I SEE YA!

PEACE BE WITH YOU..

Single and Sassy

I played a gig recently with a friend and fellow co-writer Terry Floyd. Afterwards we rode around listening to each other's music and complementing each other on how well we each played and sang. We work together at the Greenville Fire Department and we're both struggling wanna be songwriters.. with the occasional urge for a cigarette every now and then.. We were traveling down a gravel road which I've never been down before and I asked him for a light and he throws me a lighter and says: "keep it." Course, I say thanks and light my smoke with it.. There in the orange glow of the lighter flame came the full moon of the lighters surface. I just kinda smiled, took a puff and stuffed it generously in my pocket.
A Few weeks later I was in Lakeshore Cafe where I sometimes play and had just finished my last set when some of my fellow smokers got in a discussion about ugly lighters.. "I think I have the ugliest one", I said as I broke it out as did everyone else bearing an ugly or unusual lighter. "Where do these things come from and who designs this stuff?"
Suddenly I had this vision of a one on one board meeting in one of those small factory offices... you know the ones with the grate stair case that you can see through the steps on your way up? I saw a scruffy looking boss man with hair sideways from the newly removed yellow hard hat which lay to his left on the desk. The brainstormer is a younger dude with a few wild tatoos and frayed, dyed hair... (a bold move for a blue-collar manager, you know.. dragging some punk-rock lookin' dude onto the design board of the Acme lighter company). "I got it!" the young man blurts out nearing the end of a long, drawn out creative design meeting... "A clear lighter... with a blue cap and fuel lever, and I see a pair of red lips floating around.. inside the FUEL! And just behind the lips... on a baby blue backdrop.... in big pink and purple letters.............. SINGLE.... N' SASSY!"

(Long Pause) Then the boss man grins slowly as the vision comes into focus....

"I like it.... I LIKE it!"

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But then we looked on the bottom of the lighter and it says: "made in china"...

So... same story just different characters with Chinese accents.. just use your imagination...

Wasp Encounter

I stepped out onto the back porch just a few minutes ago... I just happened to have the camera around my neck (because I am planning on taking some pics today as Angela and I go Thanksgiving shopping).. We've been renovating our house so we still have piles of lumber lying around in certain places. I noticed this wasp on one of the old boards.. It looked confused and seemed to be scraping wood with its jaws. I guess it was just doing its job at the wrong time. Just this past Friday it was around 25 degrees out and here two days later its about 55.
To be perfectly honest I hate wasps with a passion! I believe it all started with this one incident when I was a child visiting my cousins in Redwood, Mississippi. I remember they had this old bus next to their house. We were playing hide n seek and I thought I would climb up on top of the bus and get inside or something. Anyway, I stuck my fingers underneath a part of the grill and *ZAP! I got stuck by a wasp on my tender fingers.. Since then wasps have always been after me! And I'M the one who got stuck! So I hate the site of them and they hate the site of me.
However........ today I felt sorry for this little guy or girl. Maybe it's global warming.... maybe it's just a stray that for some reason lost its bearing or got kicked out of the hive. (It happens). I believe the poor thing was just confused because of the weather and got left out in the cold. Or he/she thinks it's spring already. Either way what ever happenes I wish her/him well... but if he/she shows up early spring in my tool shed then that's his/her abdomen!


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UPDATE!! I just found out on the net that it was probably a female looking for a place to hibernate for the winter...

Excerpt from Wikipedia:

At a certain time of the year (often around autumn), the bulk of the wasp colony dies away, leaving only the young mated queens alive. During this time they leave the nest and find a suitable area to hibernate for the winter.

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EXTRA!!

THE BEST FLYING INSECT KILLER: (costs about 50 cents)

1 get a spray bottle or garden pump sprayer (preferred)

2 Mix warm water with a generous amount of Dawn dish liquid, mix it up and drench the wasp nest and wasps.... God help you if you miss!

Keep your face covered!

What I've Been Up To

Well.. I know I haven't blogged in a while so I'm going to try to catch you all up on "What I've Been Up To." I'm working on my 3rd album right now so I've been at Michael Brenza's house. He's my friend/studio engineer who has a room in his house converted into a studio. The cd is going well. Anyway.. Michael's house is in Leland, (bout 10 miles east of Greenville). It's a nice little town with culture, big beautiful houses and a deep mocha colored creek that runs through it.. I'll give you some pics of Leland later.. Speaking of mocha, one thing Mike and I do regularly between sessions is visit Miss Molly's Coffee Shoppe on the corner of 3rd and Main in Leland. (That's enough info trust me.. its a small town you know). Miss Molly's is really comfortable and roomy. St*rbuck's eat your heart out! I had a nice time today when I went to the coffee house alone. Not that Mike's no fun but he was getting a hair cut so I thought I would have a hot beverage.. (Coffee is great by the way.. just thought I'd mention that). I got a good solid look around and got a few great ideas.. I'm always inspired by artwork. Ok nuff said.. Go by and visit Miss Molly's some time and tell her Aubrey say's Hi!



Miss Molly---------------->

Two Cars One Rope

I took a trip to the bank a little after lunch today... not that I was on lunch break or anything.. But, I noticed (or couldn't help BUT notice), two cars, that darted out in front of me from Cileste Street. They were joined front bumper to butt by a long yellow rope. "Typical", I thought to myself as I hit the breaks to keep from clipping the rear end of the.. tow-ee. It was a typical day, in fact. Still is. Only I found myself wondering why on earth I'm out in traffic on my day off and I'm full of fried chicken which I ate exactly an hour ago after fighting the lunch crowd.. Times like these make me wonder just how much an instinctive, habitual creature I really am.. I could have stayed at home and waited until after lunch to go out and get ran over by two cars and a rope. Instead I became one of those irritating idiots that drive around at exactly 2 miles under the speed limit in mid-day traffic. You know the kind of people who casually pull over on you when you're speeding and saying the only prayer that you've said all week: "Oh God please don't let me be late!"
So, I thought to myself, "Typical... dude's pulling a broken down car and he's gonna just bust out in front of me as if he's on some deadline.." Suddenly I have this vision of a Gary Larson cartoon: It's a scene from the old west, you know, swinging doors.. boot spurs... glass beer mugs.. big men with big hats.. But then, there's this really tiny cowboy pointing a finger at another tiny cowboy and he says: "Hey you!!.... yeah I'm talkin to you!!" (Like who else would he talk that way to?) Anyhow, I kinda felt like that little insecure cowboy.. I know I couldn't possible pick on anyone going to work at this moment because I would be the biggest hypocrite of all... Anyone who has ever ridden with me knows my distaste for: 1. handicapped-tagged vehicles 2. slow drivers 3. heavy traffic 4. old folks.

Not that I'm a mean person.. but these are a few of my (God help me) most honest prejudices...

Handicap sticker: "Warning.. slow moving con-artist"
Slow Drivers: "I have nothing to do... lets drive around and go shopping."
Heavy Traffic: "these are all welfare recipients going to collect my tax dollars... these people can't POSSIBLY be coming from or going to work!"
Old Folks: "I'm just goin' to the donut shop to shoot the bull and talk about the good ole days."

So like I said, I couldn't possibly pick on the traffic today because I was in fact, riding around with nothing to do and I was actually going 2 miles under the speed limit!!! (My God I was right!)

So instead of getting all puffed up I just relaxed my chest and shoulders and turned off the old "I'll kick his ass!", mode and settled back into "I'm off work today", mode. Besides, at least I'm not being towed! (Ha! ha! Suckaz!)