Get to the Point Already!!

I've been guilty of it. Impatience. Especially with older folks. I was never around my grandparents on either of my parents' sides. The only old folks I knew of were Mrs. Bradshaw down the street. All I knew of her is that one week she would tell me to "let those mimosa saplings grow... I wanna let em come on out." Then the very next week I would show up with my lawn equipment and she would say: "would you just go on and cut down them mimosa's... I'm just SICK of em!" I met my dad's dad from time to time.. He never said much that I remember. Just kinda sat around and bickered here and there like an old fart. I never saw much of him at all in fact. My mom's dad was a little different. Quite a character actually. Like my Mom. When he exited the plane with his lays around his neck and loud Hawaiian shirt you could tell people were looking at him not knowing what to think. You could tell he was a party animal in his day. He spoke loudly and didn't mind swearing loudly either. I only got to see him maybe 3 times in my life. Not that I'm complaining or looking for sympathy, it's just that my lack of contact with the older generation has left me with little patience or understanding of older folks. Now as I sit to write this blog, I think of all my other accounts here on the net. Twitter, Facebook, myspace. Of course I could just copy and paste this blog into the others but how do you sum up a session like this into one sentence? People are so impatient now days.... including myself. Yet when I write, it's very exhaustive. Should I strip all the good stuff away and just show everyone the end results? Personally I would feel cheated if I bought a book from Amazon and sat down to read it only to find one page that said, "The butler did it." At the same time I don't want to end up being that old guy who tells everyone his life story either. You know those right... the ones you don't wanna visit cause you know you'll never get away? Sad but true. But, do we want to become a nation of one liners?
"Sup Man?"
"Not much... bout you?"
"Not much here.... gonna rain?"
"Can't say" "Well.... when it rains it pours."
"Like cats and dogs"
"I'm two sheets to the wind man"
"Got a ride?"
"Got two feet"
"peace!"
"Word!"

Ok back to the point: Are we such an instant gratified people that we push all the work aside and go straight for the result? And why shouldn't we be. We drive 40 thousdand dollar cars that we don't understand, talk on cell phones we have no idea how the work, we eat foods of which we can't read their ingredients, we surf the net and have no idea what or where the "internet" actually is... and we live in a country run by the Government (which is us) and yet we have no idea who "They" are who's calling the shots. So... how can I sum all of this into one small short sentence?

I seriously doubt the person who came up with "Stop and Smell the Roses" just walked along and said.."Know what.... I'm going to smell these roses and then write a single sentence that includes the word roses in it".

NO! These Ideas come from long drawn out thoughts and experiences, sometimes the death of a loved on or a war experience leads to a long chain of thoughts that can be simplified into a powerful lasting phrase. These phrases are what songwriters and poets and wordsmiths long to discover. Of course... rarely does the story survive. Sad though.. that's all the good stuff! What's a punch-line without the joke? Sure you can drink the juice but it's better to eat the fruit. HA HA! I'll be damned! there's my line.... oh they're coming to me now! gotta go!

Keep the donut just gimme the glaze. Nah.. that one sucks.

I Hate Birds

I used to like birds but here recently I've almost developed a slight hatred for them. (Notice emphasis on slight). I was at Fire Station 6 one Sunday morning. Just got in from a long night of performing with Lazy Bone, which is my current band of which I am the lead guitarist. I think I hit the sheets at around 4 A.M and got up at 6 for a shower, shave and to pack 24 hours worth of food and clothing for my shift. Sounds pretty irresponsible huh? In a way it's not. We're allowed to sleep in until noon on Sunday's. (One of the job perks initiated to compensate for the low wages and to allow firefighters to recuperate after a long week of working 2 to 3 jobs to make ends meet). In fact, most of us don't bother taking off our jammies before coming to work on Sundays. The only problem with Sunday sleeping is the occasional house fire or vehicle, trash, grass fire, oil spill, etc. Yeah, it's always a gamble but one I don't mind taking. I mean, of course it's a dangerous job, but as long as you stick to the basics: "Put the wet stuff on the red stuff", you'll most likely be able to handle most situations with minimal brain usage. So I decided to get in my bed which is in the darkest corner of the sleeping area, but due to that fact and that I'm in it once every 3 days I have to do a quick insect/spider check before settling in. This can take up to 5 minutes depending on how tired I am and the amount of elapsed time since the last spider sitting and of course how big the spider was. Anyway, I got all cozy and did my horizontal yoga when I notice the sound of at least 10 birds in the ceiling. Not too loud just... there. You know that feeling you have or have had when you've been out partying all night and you finally get to a bed and you start hearing birds chirping? Same thing. I was too irritated to sleep, too sleepy to read, so I got up and watched Television, which I know after much research, takes absolutely no thought or energy to do. Oh and did I mention the poop? I guess since the word got out that Fire Station 6 was now a bird sanctuary and that a bird could have his/her way with any part of the building they began to migrate. If there was a visible hole on the outside, a crevice, a ledge with an overhang, there was a mass of straw, plastic and sticks hanging out of it. I finally got an extension ladder off the truck one Friday and pulled all the nests out. Of course I had to wait until they got their ugly balled babies out. After a few months of torment I put an end to the nests. Here lately birds have acquired a taste for dog food and have flooded our back patio at home with feathers, and poop. Recently I was going to Wal-Mart and I saw one of those lot sparrows that bob around eating French fries and other junk off the parking lot. Normally I would stop, smile and watch for a moment. It just wasn't in me. I gave it a look of disgust and for a moment our eyes met and he hopped cautiously out of range. Just today I was beneath an oak tree in the front yard thinking of how I was going to build a small garden around it when I felt something pop me on the top of the head. It was cold and wet and I didn't have to think for more than a second on what it was. "Little Shit". I said quietly and walked into the house to wash my hair. Maybe one day I'll get over this bird animosity. Until then they'd better just keep their distance's from me.

What’s That Sound?

I awoke this morning with a familiar yet puzzling sound in my ear. It was cool outside so my wife Angela and I decided to leave the window open to get some fresh air as we slept. Lying there debating on whether I was going to get up and go to the bathroom or try to ignore my urges and go back to sleep, I began to focus on the strange sound outside our window. At first it sounded like wind, but there was a whistling sound like that of a freight train. The wind was blowing pretty hard earlier that day so my imagination got the best of me and I found myself thinking the worst. The swelling windy sound, the train whistle tone. Oh my GOD! What if it’s a tornado?! I went through the safety check in my head and had it all planned out. First I would wake Angela and get her into the hallway then I would throw the mattress in there as a buffer and get the dogs from outside. I thought I should check it out first. I eased out of bed and looked out the window but could see no rustling trees, no gusts of wind shaking the screen. It was just this steady swelling noise that sounded like an interstate full of 18 wheelers and a tornado siren faintly in the distance. I’ve heard the sound for years in fact but it’s never jumped out at me and made me wonder what was causing it. Was it some factory near by? Couldn’t be.. Was it traffic? No way! If so I needed to find out why so many people were driving around at 2:40 in the morning. I got dressed, told Angela I was going to find out what the sound was, grabbed my digital sound recorder and video camera and set out to find out what the buzz was. I followed the sound all the way to Highway 82 East where a few 18 wheelers passed along with a few other random vehicles carrying passengers to work or home from a bar. After a while I began to notice little sounds.. A man pressure washing a service station parking lot, a woman in scrubs being called out to the hospital, a small pack of multi-colored dogs roaming about following the leader, and of course, myself trying to find out what’s going on. I came to the conclusion that the sound was always there but it was never as loud as it’s been recently. Maybe it was, in fact, all the little things I noticed when I was out that sounded like such a big noise compared to the silence of the night. Or maybe I wasn’t even close. Maybe I’ll set out on a bicycle next time and conduct a more thorough investigation. As I returned home with one heck of a boring video under my arm I noticed the sound was even louder than before as if it were taunting me or beckoning me. Maybe I don’t want to know what it is maybe I do. Until I find out for sure I will just stick with my current theory: It’s a space ship hovering somewhere on the outskirts of town full of alien beings who are spying on a huge little city called Greenville.

Yard day

I tried to perform a simple task today.. Cut the yard. Sounds easy doesn't it? It's been raining off and on lately and given my schedule I haven't gotten around to yard work in a good week or so. The grass is nearly a foot tall so I thought I would raise the mower as high as it would go and give it a whack at that level and maybe drop it down some and cut again.. As most of you would know each wheel on a push mower has a little plastic cap on it to keep from cutting your hand off on the sharp end of the metal adjuster. It's especially hard to adjust one of these buggers when its rusted due to leaving the mower in the rain one two many times.. The cap slipped off and the metal adjuster took a small chunk out of the inside knuckle bend of my right hand pinky. OUch! I go inside, stop the bleeding with a cotton ball (or boll), do the peroxide thing and neosporin topped with a bandage and I'm back out. After repairing the mower, the trimmer, and the blower it was mid afternoon and the wasps were irritable. Luckily I stocked up on wasp killer when I went to get mower parts from Lowe's. Normally wasps gather in a nest of 10 or so wasps. I found the crack in the outdoor molding where they were congregating and gave em a good dousing. I think I only pissed them off. So all day I'm afraid to cut around the left side of my house. I'm obviously more afraid of wasps than they are of me and four cans of industrial grade spray did me no good at 25 feet away.. That stuff was four dollars a can! My whole day turned into a war! I hope the neighbors didn't see me screaming and running for cover everytime I doused their nests. One of the nests had at least 30 wasps in it! I went back to Lowes late this afternoon and bought 4 more cans. They did me no good.. I finally loaded up the pump sprayer with dish liquid and water and decided I was going to have to take them out one at a time. By the end of the day I was no longer concerned with cutting the yard.. I had become obsessed and could care less if the neighbors thought I'd lost my mind. Armed with a pump sprayer I put my fears aside and went to war.. Everytime I thought I'd killed them all I would take a break only to return to find at least 5 wasps walking around on the wall as if nothing had happened. Several times I said "That's it I've had it!" But all I could do is go back to sitting and waiting for the next wasp to arrive. I began treating the situation like a hunting expedition saying things like: "Oh look at that one... big one Big ONe!" "Look at those antennae!" "I'm gonna mount that one!" "Oh you want some more?! Here ya go! Yeah I got cha now!" "Would anyone else like a taste before I put it up?" In fact, I began to enjoy it so much I just pulled up a lawn chair under the nest and just sat and waited until the next one came along. Just before dark Angela called me in to dinner and I looked around at the carnage. Dead wasps on the window sills, all over the ground, on the roof of the house. If they hadn't started this war by attacking me and one of my dogs the week before I would have let them be. Anyway I have to work tomorrow so I'll give it a rest for a day and pick up where I left off when I get off. I'm kinda looking forward to my next wasp hunting expedition.. Maybe I'll make a video.

What a Day Whew!

Today is what I would call a perfect day! I don't even know what the temp was but it felt sooo good. I cut the yard, washed and waxed the car, stayed outside all day long. I think I only received 2 phone calls. It was peaceful, I talked with my neighbor across the street which is something I never do. Sad but true.. Come to think of it. Where I grew up (north of town) everyone knew everyone in the neighborhood. It's sad to think I don't even know my next door neighbors last name.. That's it! In the near future I'm going to have a neighborhood party and invite everyone over to get to know them. (Knowing I'm fooling myself). But I will definately keep that in mind. We're all set to go to Panama City Beach! Can't wait! Only problem is we're going to have to find a place to get the oil changed in the car. All the quick lubes were closed today! Never realized they closed on Saturday. Guess they have to get off some time and I guess I've never went for an oil change on a Saturday.... odd. Maybe because until recently I've been playing music every weekend..

Ok that's enough jabbering... Piece!

Coyote Blue

I've been reading Coyote Blue by Christopher Moore... It started out okay then got better.. Now I'm catching myself laughing out loud here and there... I may have misunderstood this one... When I'm done I may read it again.. just to see if, just maybe, I missed something... If you're a Christopher Moore fan.. can you suggest a good one to start off on? I'm a big Douglas Adams fan so it's hard to find someone who compares. Ok.. gotta get to work now.. Piece!

"Captain.. Prepare to resurface!!"

Well, it's getting close to that time again. I did it a few years ago.. Only this time I won't be taking as long in between albums. What is it exactly I'm talking about? I'm talkin' bout my latest and greatest album yet be--ches! I'm getting ready to start playin' again and selling albums. Only this time I did it right. Got a pro to record it, got pros to play it, had pro's master it, had a pro design it and I don't have to print out each cd cover one by one and hand cut them and stuff them into jewel cases and burn each cd one at a time... No no no! Never again! I'm having these baby's duplicated 1000 at a time. Yep, I finally where I want to be and doing what I want to do. Time to start my life's work... I'm bringin' this sub to the top.. (ping.... ping.... , <submarine sound>, ping... ping... etc. fading out into a mere ringing of the ears...)